These Things Come In Threes
by BrioScotty
Summary: Achele. A series of disastrous and ridiculous events.
1. Say You Will

**TITLE:** Say You Will (1/3)  
**SUMMARY:** Dianna proposes. Everything that could go wrong, does. (Prompt from recall_the_love)  
**NOTES:** Fluff. Masses of it. Title comes from Train's _Marry Me_.

**NOTES 2:** Shiny, edited version because I wrote this in 2010 originally and things needed updating. My bad.

**xxxxx**

Dianna paces the floor in Lea's apartment, frowning at her watch every few seconds; her footsteps echo off the hardwood floors and the almost-bare walls. She reminds herself to buy Lea some new artwork. And a rug. The sound of a key in the door causes her to pause and turn a couple of seconds before the short brunette barrels into the lounge, an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry!" she calls, dropping her bags and running towards the bedroom. "The shoot ran over and the car took forever… and I know dinner is at eight… do I have time to shower?" Dianna sighs and flops onto the couch, creasing her cream dress.

"Sure, babe," she calls back, closing her eyes for a brief second before grabbing her cellphone and calling the restaurant to see if they have anything available later. They do, but they'll lose their table if they don't arrive by 8:15.

"You look amazing," Lea calls causing Dianna to roll her eyes and grin despite being a little ticked off.

"Thanks," she calls and listens for Lea switching on the shower. 'Great,' Dianna thinks to herself, rifling through her bag to make sure the box is still there. She flips the lid and feels butterflies spring to life in her stomach. 'Great.'

**xxxxx**

Dianna is a little more than ticked off when they (miraculously) reach the restaurant fifteen minutes late to find that the table, the table she's specifically asked for, has been given away. The waiter attempts to look apologetic but Dianna can tell he really couldn't care less about her predicament.

"Di, sweetie, it's fine," Lea says, arm snaking around the taller woman's waist. "We'll just sit somewhere else." She squeezes the blonde gently and Dianna acquiesces, smiling down at the brunette.

"Sure, babe," she says and allows the waiter to lead them to a table, a nice table, but still not the table she wants. From their new table, Dianna can see another couple smiling at each other and admiring the view that the bay window offers. She smiles briefly at the memory of Lea sitting across from her at that table almost three years ago as she'd tried not to make a complete fool of herself. Their first official date, a night of many firsts for both women.

Lea picks up her menu and runs her eyes over the list of dishes with a smile playing on her lips. Dianna can't help but smile back at her. Without fail, her girlfriend has the same thing every time they come here.

"I'm glad you picked this place," Lea says, reaching a hand across the table to rest on top of Dianna's. "Thanks for coming home with me this weekend." Their fingers link together and they share another smile. A different waiter approaches the table, ready to take their order.

Lea reels off her order after Dianna's given hers and the waiter's face immediately falls. Dianna eyes him cautiously.

"We've actually just run out of the tortellini," he says.

"What?" Dianna asks, raising an eyebrow. "You're out of the tortellini?" The waiter confirms this with a nod. "She wants the tortellini."

"Di, it's fine," Lea says. "It'll be nice to try something new." She smiles up at the waiter and lifts her menu off the table, quickly selecting another dish. The waiter speeds away, sensing that the blonde woman is about to tear his limbs off. Lea looks at Dianna curiously, a slight frown creasing her forehead. "Are you okay, sweetie? You look a little tense."

"I just want this night…" Dianna pauses. "We don't get many nights like this alone. I want it to be perfect, that's all." Dianna smiles across at Lea who beams back at her, teeth running over her bottom lip, brown eyes sparkling.

"It's already perfect," Lea says brightly. "You're here."

Dianna feels the butterflies in her stomach start to tap-dance as Lea reaches across to cup her face. She wraps her fingers around Lea's slender wrist and turns her head, pressing a soft kiss to the brunette's palm.

They talk about Lea's shoot while they wait for their meals, Dianna becoming increasingly more agitated by the wait; her fingers start to drum lightly on the tablecloth.

"Di, seriously, you're starting to make me nervous," Lea jokes. "Let's get some more wine…" She gestures to a passing waiter who returns seconds later with a bottle of red, one of Dianna's favourites. He pours Lea's glass first then turns to Dianna, reaching for her glass as she picks it up to pass it to him. Dianna isn't even sure how it happens, but the glass drops between them and causes the waiter to fumble with the bottle, its contents spilling out, cascading onto the blonde's lap. Lea's hands fly to cover her mouth as Dianna jumps to her feet, knocking the waiter back into another table.

Lea breaks the stunned silence that follows, giggles bubbling up from behind her hands. Dianna stares down at her red-stained dress and turns on her heel, marching towards the restroom. The waiter recovers, apologising profusely to the couple whose table he'd banged into before turning back to Lea to apologise again. Another waiter is already re-setting their table with a clean cloth and is mopping up the wine that landed on the floor.

"I really am sorry," he says over and over again. The head waiter is next in line to apologise, offering them free desserts and drinks as compensation. When they're finished fussing over Lea, she excuses herself and walks quickly to the restroom where Dianna is scrubbing at the stain on the front of her dress. The blonde glances up at Lea when the door opens and grimaces.

"Are you okay?" Lea asks, wrapping her arms around Dianna's waist from behind, their eyes connecting in the mirror.

"I'm fantastic," Dianna says sullenly. "First, they give away our table, then they run out of your favourite meal and now this…" she gestures to her ruined dress before sighing heavily. "This just isn't our night at all."

"Dianna," Lea says, pressing her lips to the blonde's exposed skin. "It's okay."

"But…" Dianna protests, twisting around to face the brunette.

"Baby," Lea says. "It's okay." She gives the blonde a huge grin and presses her lips against the taller woman's, cutting off any further protestations. "The dress is fine. You look beautiful." Placated, Dianna slips her hand into Lea's and allows herself to be led back through to the dining area. Their meals are waiting when they sit down and two very full glasses of wine have been poured.

"Bon appetit," Dianna says, spreading her napkin over her lap, hiding the red patch on her dress.

**xxxxx**

The head waiter is on hand to apologise (again) as they leave.

"Really, it's fine," Lea says, shrugging her coat on. "The meal was lovely. Thank you." Dianna merely smiles and follows Lea out of the restaurant, happy that the coat she'd decided to wear covers the stain. She crooks her elbow, allowing Lea to slip her arm through the gap. "Where to next, my lady?"

"It's a surprise," Dianna says, grinning down at the shorter woman.

"A surprise?" Lea asks, her face lighting up. "Shouldn't I be wearing a blindfold?"

"I actually considered it," Dianna says with a laugh. "But given our luck so far tonight, we probably shouldn't push it." Lea giggles in response, her grip tightening on Dianna's arm causing the butterflies in the blonde's stomach to reappear.

Lea's curiosity peaks when they reach Central Park and Dianna stops, glancing around irritably. She reaches into her bag for her cellphone.

"Two seconds," she says to Lea before walking a few steps away from her girlfriend, whispering agitatedly, gesturing even though the person on the other end of the call can't see her. Lea picks up the words 'driver' and 'sick' and frowns. When Dianna returns, the look on the blonde's face is thunderous.

"Bad news?" Lea asks, reaching for Dianna's hand and squeezing it.

"The driver is sick," Dianna says despondently.

"Right," Lea says with a bewildered nod.

"We were going to take a ride through the city in one of those vintage cars?" Dianna says. "To that spot near the fountain?" Lea grins. "But the driver is sick and they can't send anyone else at such short notice..."

"Well, we can get a cab instead," Lea says. "Or we could walk…it's such a nice night."

As soon as the words leave Lea's mouth, the heavens open and torrential rain starts to pour down. Dianna sends a silent curse to whatever higher power is ruining her night and pulls Lea out of the park, hailing a cab when they reach the street.

"Maybe we should just call it a night," Lea suggests as the cab hurtles towards another entrance to the park. She brushes the raindrops from Dianna's face with the back of her hand, sending a shiver through the blonde. A part of her nearly takes Lea up on the offer, but she isn't going to let a sick driver and a little rain ruin her plan.

"We'll be fine when we get to the spot," Dianna says. "It's sheltered. And the rain looks like it's going to stop anyway."

After Dianna pays the driver, she helps Lea out of the car and leads her into the park again. The rain is coming to an end and people are emerging from beneath their makeshift shelters. Lea takes Dianna's arm again as they follow the path to where they'd sat and watched fireworks the previous New Year's Eve; Lea between Dianna's legs, back pressed up against the blonde, Dianna's head resting on Lea's shoulder, a blanket wrapped around them both.

"It was so cold that night," Lea comments, breaking Dianna's memory of the event.

"It was," she agrees with a nod. "It took me hours to warm you up again."

"I seem to remember that part of the night more than the fireworks," Lea says, smiling shyly up at Dianna. "My memory is a little hazy though. Care to remind me?"

"Here?" Dianna asks, raising an eyebrow as she slides an arm around Lea's waist, drawing the brunette closer to her. Lea rolls her eyes and swats Dianna's hand away.

"Later," she says, walking off down the path. Dianna catches up with her, taking her hand again. They round a corner and Lea pulls up short, a smile on her face. On the exact same spot beneath the tree where they'd sat nearly ten months ago, a blanket and a basket are waiting for them. Lea pulls off her shoes and skips across the grass to the blanket, glancing back to make sure that Dianna is following her.

Her girlfriend, however, looks annoyed. Again.

"Baby, what is it now?" Lea calls, sitting down on the blanket and reaching for the basket. She squeals when she finds a box of strawberries and a bottle of champagne inside.

"There's supposed to be a ba-" she's cut off by her phone ringing. "Sorry…" she apologises to Lea before answering her phone.

Lea sighs as she opens the box of strawberries, biting into the first one, watching as her girlfriend walks back and forth along the path, gesturing wildly again. This time Dianna ends the phone call with a curse and throws her phone back into her bag.

"Di, look," Lea begins when the blonde makes her way across the grass.

"The guitarist has broken his hand," Dianna interrupts, slumping down next to Lea and picking up a strawberry.

"What?" Lea asks in confusion.

"There was supposed to be a band," Dianna says. "And I was going to ask you to dance… and…" she shakes her head, sighing heavily. She takes a bite of the strawberry and it immediately lodges in the back of her throat.

"Dianna, you need to relax," Lea says, not looking at the other woman as she rummages in the basket for glasses to pour the champagne into. "The more you stress out, the worse things will seem, when really it couldn't be further from the opposite. We've just had a beautiful meal and now we're sitting in Central Park and you've got this whole picnic prepared for the two of us… who cares if there wasn't a vintage car ride or if there isn't a band for us to dance to? We're together and that's the most important thing…" she pulls the glasses from the basket triumphantly. "Baby?" she turns to look at Dianna. "Shit."

Dianna is turning purple and clutching her throat.

"Dianna?" Lea starts to panic. "Shit, shit, shit…" she repeats this over and over as she throws the glasses to one side and moves behind her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around the blonde's abdomen. She pulls Dianna towards her, moving her arms upwards and Dianna starts to cough, falling forwards onto the blanket.

"Thanks," she mutters, eyeing the tiny piece of strawberry that caused her to choke. She flicks it away malevolently and turns to face Lea, throwing her arms around the terrified-looking brunette. "Thank you."

"Are you okay?" Lea chokes out, pulling back from Dianna to press her lips to the blonde's forehead, her temple, her cheek, her jaw line before moving to Dianna's lips, though she's still gasping for air.

"I'm fine," Dianna whispers between shaky breaths.

"Maybe now we should call it a night?" Lea asks, pulling Dianna back into her arms and stroking the blonde's back.

"I think that would be wise," Dianna answers.

**xxxxx**

Back in the apartment, Lea glances between Dianna and herself and starts to laugh.

"What's so funny, babe?" Dianna asks, as she dumps the uneaten strawberries and unopened champagne on the floor and starts to unfasten her coat.

"Look at us," Lea says. "You're covered in wine. I'm covered in mud. So much for a perfect night out, huh?"

"You're perfect," Dianna says, her features suddenly turning serious. She slides off her coat and places it on the back of Lea's couch before reaching into her bag.

"Di, what are you…?" Lea's question dies in her throat as she watches the blonde retrieve a box. Her eyes go wide and she walks towards her girlfriend. "Yes," she says automatically.

"I haven't asked yet," Dianna says chuckling.

"I don't care," Lea says insistently. "Yes."

"Lea, please," Dianna says. "Everything that could have gone wrong tonight did. Let me, at least, do this part right."

Lea feels a lump rise in her throat as Dianna takes her hand and leads her over to the couch. She sits down and watches as Dianna lowers herself to one knee, already feeling tears well up in her eyes.

"You need to do this quickly, I honestly don't think I can stop myself from crying for much longer," Lea says. Dianna looks down at her hands, toying with the black box for a few seconds before looking up at the brunette. Lea feels a tear streak down her face and rolls her eyes. "Sorry." Dianna bites her bottom lip and reaches up to brush the tear away.

"This has been our worst date ever…" Dianna begins.

"There was that time when you got sick…" Lea begins, stopping when Dianna gives her a pointed look. "Not the time for that story, clearly. Continue!" The blonde grins and wraps her hand around Lea's.

"Tonight was supposed to be about you," Dianna says. "Your favourite restaurant, your favourite food… we were supposed to take a ride through your favourite city then dance to one of your favourite songs in your favourite park. Everything that could have gone wrong did but none of it matters, really."

Lea smiles, biting her bottom lip and squeezing Dianna's hand. The blonde takes a deep breath, hazel eyes shining as she looks up at her girlfriend again.

"I love you, Lea. I'm completely in love with you and I have been since the moment we met. I can't imagine spending my life without you, growing old without you. I want to be there to watch you shine and I want to be there to build you up if times are bad. I want to wake up next to you and I want to go to sleep with you in my arms," Dianna blinks, taking a shaky breath before smiling through her own tears. "Lea Michele Sarfati…"

"Yes," Lea whispers again, leaning forward to kiss the blonde.

"Lea," Dianna groans half-heartedly. "Baby," she pulls back and flips the lid of the box open. Lea's eyes widen and she watches Dianna pluck the ring from the box. "Will you marry me?" She slides the ring onto Lea's finger, pleased that it fits perfectly. Lea raises the ring to look at it, words now failing her.

A minute passes and Lea's silence causes Dianna's face to fall slightly.

"Um, Lea?" Dianna asks, resting her hands on Lea's thighs, an amused expression on her face. "Now would be a good time to say something. Anything."

"Yes," Lea whispers and pulls Dianna into her arms. "Yes."


	2. Say I Do

**TITLE:** Say I Do  
**SUMMARY:** They survived the proposal. Will they make it through the wedding?  
**NOTES:** I don't know anything about Jewish weddings. If I manage to offend anyone by not using the right terminology, then I apologise profusely.

**xxxxx**

Dianna slides her arms around the petite woman's waist, a smile on her lips as she ducks her head to kiss her fiancée, soon-to-be wife.

"Remind me again why we're sleeping in separate bedrooms?" Lea asks, pouting as Dianna pulls away. Lea's hands run up the taller woman's back and rest at the nape of her neck, playing with the strands of hair that have come loose from the blonde's messy ponytail.

"Tradition," Dianna says, leaning down again to kiss Lea. "Or something."

"Tradition sucks," Lea whispers, loosening her grip on Dianna as the blonde starts to kiss her neck. "Get off… you cannot leave hickeys on my neck the night before we get married." She gives Dianna a playful shove and reaches to open her bedroom door.

"But I can't seem to stop," Dianna murmurs, pushing the shorter woman back against the wooden door. Lea's eyes flutter closed and a low groan escapes from her mouth as Dianna lifts her off the ground, nipping softly at tan skin.

"Oh god, my eyes," a voice calls from the end of the corridor and Dianna growls slightly causing Lea to giggle. "Can't you girls wait until tomorrow?" Dianna lowers Lea back onto her feet and turns to face her other half's best man.

"I guess we don't have a choice now," Dianna says with a smirk. "Thanks Jon."

"It's a good job I was around to protect Lea's virtue," Jon says, winking at his best friend and opening the bedroom door. "In you go."

"Jon…" Lea protests but he folds his arms across his chest.

"Say goodnight, Lea," he says with a grin.

"Goodnight, Lea," the brunette grumbles before pressing a kiss to Dianna's cheek, sticking her tongue out at her best friend and disappearing into the room.

"See you in the morning, Di," Jon says, hugging the disgruntled blonde before disappearing after Lea.

"Night," Dianna calls at the closed door and walks quickly down the corridor to her own room, pulling out her cellphone before she's even reached the corner. Her message to Lea is short and succinct.

_I love you. Sweet dreams, babe._

The reply, thirty-two seconds later, makes Dianna grin.

_I've threatened Jon with bodily harm if he comes near the room tomorrow night. I love you too. Sleep well._

**xxxxx**

The next morning, Dianna wakes up to the sound of knocking on her bedroom door. Ignoring the messages and missed calls listed on the screen, she grabs her phone and checks the time.

"Shit!" she exclaims, throwing back the sheets and jumping out of bed. Seconds later, she crashes to the floor, her toe catching in the sheets as she rockets towards the door. She groans and pushes herself up, inspecting the damage to her knees and the palms of her hands. Limping now, she crosses the room and yanks the door open.

"Oh thank god," her best friend removes the phone from her ear and puts her hands on her hips. "Do you have any idea how worried we've all been? The wedding is in two hours… I've been knocking for half an hour…" Jess moves past a gaping Dianna who is still rubbing her knees. She watches as her best friend - already wearing her light blue dress, her hair already done - moves around the room pulling the curtains open. "Di, come on. Lea will kill me if I don't have you at the altar on time."

"Have you seen her? How is she?" Dianna asks, moving back to the bed, grimacing as her knee makes an awkward clicking noise.

"I saw her just after I finished breakfast," Jess says with a sigh. "She looks sickeningly in love." Jess grins at her best friend before her face falls into a frown. "What happened to your knees?"

"I might have tripped," Dianna says lamely, gesturing to the tangled mess of sheets. Jess raises an eyebrow and shakes her head.

"You have ten minutes to shower," Jess says. "I'll order room service; we can't have you passing out during the ceremony and I'll go find the hairdresser and tell everyone that you haven't actually fled the island."

"Thanks," Dianna says, her stomach grumbling as she gingerly makes her way to the adjoining bathroom, stopping to give Jess a light kiss on the cheek.

"Shower, now!" Jess commands, pointing to the bathroom. Dianna nods meekly, still confused as to how she's managed to sleep through the three alarms she'd set on her phone.

Jess and the hairdresser, Lorraine, are waiting when she emerges, talking in low voices. Dianna is sure that they're arguing about something and clears her throat, causing both of them to turn to look at her with stricken looks on their faces. Immediately Dianna begins to panic.

"What's wrong?" Dianna asks, a thousand different scenarios running through her head.

"It's the cake," Jess says, walking over to Dianna. "There's been an accident."

"What sort of accident?" Dianna asks, more intrigued than annoyed by the mysterious tone of Jess' voice.

"One of the waiters left the door to the kitchen open… and some local _wildlife_ accidentally…" Jess pauses when the bride holds up her hands.

"Are you telling me that our wedding cake… our wedding cake that we had flown over from Los Angeles, survived a plane ride but couldn't last two days in the hotel's kitchen?" Dianna asks, irritation seeping through her voice. She closes her eyes and takes a calming breath. "What kind of wildlife?"

"Parrots," Jess says simply. "Di, I'm sorry… the chefs are already working on something else for you guys. Free, of course."

"Jess, it's fine," Dianna says, exhaling deeply, remembering that this is the happiest day of her life. A ruined cake isn't the end of the world. "It's okay. It's just cake." Jess relaxes and smiles. The hairdresser springs into action, leading Dianna to the dressing table to start drying her hair. Breakfast arrives along with a bottle of champagne which Jess immediately opens up, angling the top of the bottle away from her as she pushes the cork out. It pops, pinging up towards the ceiling before ricocheting back towards the bridesmaid, smacking her above the eye.

"_Jesus!_" she exclaims, grabbing her forehead. "Jesusmother…" The string of expletives continues for half a minute as she dances around the room, tears stinging at the corners of her eyes.

"Are you done?" Dianna asks, vaguely amused until she sees the glare in Jess' eyes.

"Motherfucker," she groans sitting down on the end of the bed.

"How the hell did you even manage that?" Dianna asks, twisting around in her seat to watch her best friend rub the heel of her hand above her right eye.

"I don't know," Jess says, moving towards the mirror. Tentatively, she moves her hand away and all three women gasp. "Oh my god."

"Well that's going to look great in the photos," Dianna says, staring at the other woman's forehead.

"I'm so glad that my wellbeing is your number one concern right now, Dianna," Jess says with a grimace as she touches her forehead.

"You hit yourself in the face with a champagne cork, Jess!" Dianna says. "That's the most ridiculous…" Jess silences her with another glare.

"Mark will be here soon," Lorraine says, glancing between the two best friends. "He'll cover it up. No problems!" This softens the looks on both of their faces and Lorraine goes back to styling Dianna's hair.

"I'm sorry," Dianna says as she catches sight of Jess in the mirror.

"Me too," Jess says with a wan smile. "Drink?" She holds up the bottle in her hand and Dianna nods her approval.

**xxxxx**

With half an hour to spare, Dianna is ready, dressed in a strapless floor-length white dress, sipping her third glass of champagne. Mark is still trying to cover the bruise on Jess' forehead when there's a knock at the door.

"Is it time?" Dianna asks, glancing at her phone before walking towards the door. Jon is on the other side, concern etched on his face.

"We have a problem," he says gravely, walking into the room. Dianna closes the door and feels her stomach clench, butterflies annoyingly as present as ever.

"Is it Lea? Has she changed her mind? Where is she?" Dianna asks, feeling as though her world is going to fall apart. Jon gives her a look as though she's insane.

"Of course she hasn't changed her mind," he says. "You look beautiful by the way." He offers her a pained smile.

"What's wrong?" Dianna asks.

"You'll hurt me," he says.

"I'll hurt you more if you don't tell me what's wrong _right now_," Dianna says, emphasising the last two words as she folds her arms across her chest.

"I don't know where the rings are," he says, closing his eyes and bracing himself for an attack that never comes. He cracks an eye open to see Dianna still standing in front of him, eyes closed, breathing in deeply.

"You lost the rings," she states, exhaling. She tries to picture a happy place, a place where she is alone with Lea and getting married without the aid of their friends. There are no errant champagne corks and no-one has lost her grandmother's ring.

"Yes," he says. "I had them last night… and now… I can't find them. I've looked everywhere, Di. I've been all over the hotel."

"That ring belonged to my grandmother, Jon," she says, taking another deep breath, clenching her hands into fists, feeling a tremble course through her muscles. "What did Lea say?"

"She isn't talking to me right now," he says timidly. "I think she's thinking up punishments for me."

"She's not the only one," Dianna says. "I think you should go and look again. And if you can't find them, you need to find replacements. You have twenty minutes." He nods his head and practically flees the room. Dianna unclenches her fists.

"You're taking this very well," Jess observes from the make-up chair.

"After what happened on the night I proposed, I started yoga again," Dianna says calmly. "Lea seems to think I have slight anger issues. These are minor setbacks. I will not be upset on the happiest day of my life." She picks up the bottle of champagne and pours herself another glass, downing it in one.

Jess nods silently and exchanges a look with Mark.

**xxxxx**

Dianna's fears and agitations disappear the moment she steps outside to see her closest friends and family all seated facing the ocean. Her brother is waiting, a grin on his face as he holds out his arm for her to take.

"You look gorgeous," he says, kissing her cheek. Dianna can only smile in return as a hundred different emotions start to bubble up inside her. Together they walk towards the aisle that splits the guests into two halves and when the string quartet starts to play, everybody turns to look at them with smiles and tear-filled eyes.

"What's wrong?" Jason asks, as they walk slowly down the aisle.

"It's the wrong song," Dianna whispers back.

"What?" her brother asks looking bewildered.

"This isn't what they're supposed to play," she says, groaning and breaking away from her brother's arm, heading back up the aisle towards the surprised musicians. After a few terse words, Dianna joins her brother once more and the music restarts.

"Really, Di, was that necessary?" her brother asks as a few of the guests break into sniggers and whispers.

"They've already ruined my cake and the incompetent best man has lost the rings," she says quickly, eyes falling on Jon at the end of the aisle. "I don't think it's too much to ask that I get to walk down the aisle to the right piece of music." She plasters a smile on her face as they continue to pass the guests and spots her mom in the front row, tears already streaming down her cheeks. When they reach the chuppah, Jason kisses his sister's cheek again and goes to join their mom in the front row. Dianna quickly surveys the guests, feeling calm wash over her again.

This is happening. She's here: a beautiful beach on an island away thousands of miles away from prying eyes, surrounded by her loved ones about to marry the woman of her dreams.

The woman of her dreams who is walking down the aisle, grinning at everyone she passes. The woman of her dreams who is pretty much dragging her dad down the aisle.

The woman of her dreams who is wearing a dress that makes her look like a meringue.

Dianna fights to keep the look of horror off her face. After all, Lea could be wearing a garbage bag and still look like a million dollars (something that had been proven two Halloweens ago). Lea joins Dianna under the canopy and beams up at her soon-to-be wife though the smile fades sharply when she notes the expression on the blonde's face.

"What?" Lea asks in a low voice.

"You look like a meringue," Dianna replies, staring at the puffy sleeves hiding Lea's toned arms. Lea's face falls.

"I knew you'd do this," she says, stabbing a finger at taller woman's chest. "I knew you'd make fun of me. You're _always_ making fun of me, Di. Is this all a big joke to you?" She gestures around at their guests who are staring open-mouthed at the arguing brides.

"No," Dianna says hurriedly, reaching for the brunette's hands. "No, sweetie, I'm sorry. Please…"

"No, Di…" the rest of Lea's words are drowned out by a loud screeching noise. Dianna turns her gaze to the sky in confusion, dragging Lea out from under the canopy as a huge shadow falls over them. Her mouth drops open as talons wrap around her fiancée and Lea's hand is ripped from her own. She's pretty sure that Lea is still berating her as the pterodactyl carries her off.

**xxxxx**

Dianna's eyes open far too quickly and she squints into the darkness of her bedroom. _3:24_. She groans in relief.

"Just a dream," she repeats to herself, rubbing her hand over her eyes. "Oh thank God."

Very carefully, she pushes the sheets off her body, making sure that her feet aren't tangled up, and climbs out of bed. Through the curtains, she can see the ocean lapping against the sand, the moonlight reflecting brightly off the inky black water. She can also make out a figure sitting in the sand, staring up at the stars, long brown hair falling against the woman's back. Dianna reaches for a sweatshirt and tugs it on before making her way quietly through the corridors of the hotel, careful not to wake any of their sleeping guests.

Along with the sound of the waves, the slight breeze that chills Dianna's almost bare legs masks the sound of her footsteps over the sand and when she drops down next to the solitary figure staring out at the ocean now, Lea screams.

"Di!" her voice is now muffled by the blonde's hand. They glance back towards the hotel but no-one appears to have heard Lea's exclamation.

"Hi," Dianna says feebly, removing her hand.

"What the _hell _do you think you're doing? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Lea asks, trying to sound annoyed at her fiancée. The grin on her face tells a different story. The brunette shifts closer to the taller woman as Dianna slides an arm around Lea's waist. "Are you okay, baby?"

"Just a bad dream," Dianna says. "It was quite ridiculous." Dianna lets her fingers drag under the thin material of Lea's shirt.

"Tell me about it?" Lea asks, shifting again. Now she's sitting between Dianna's legs, back pressed against the blonde's chest. Dianna leans forwards to rest her head on Lea's shoulder, her hands holding onto her fiancée's waist again.

"I overslept for the wedding and Jess thought that I'd run off," Dianna starts, fingers massaging circles across the brunette's toned abdomen. "And I fell getting out of bed, bruised my knees and hurt my hands."

"Poor baby," Lea says, tilting her head back slightly as Dianna's fingers stray across a particularly sensitive patch of skin.

"Then parrots ate our cake," Dianna says with a chuckle.

"Parrots?"

"Yeah," Dianna turns her head slightly and places a soft kiss against Lea's neck. "Parrots. Someone left the kitchen door open and they ate the cake. I didn't even know that parrots like cake…" Lea's laugh is low and causes a shiver to run through Dianna who tightens her grip on Lea, hands straying higher.

"What else happened?" Lea asks, sounding amused.

"Jess hit herself in the face with a champagne cork," Dianna says grinning. "And I was more concerned about the photos. She wasn't impressed." Dianna's teeth graze against tanned skin and Lea moans softly. "Jon lost the rings."

"He _what?_" Lea asks, sounding panicked.

"It was just a dream, babe," Dianna reminds her. "You were thinking up punishments for him. I don't remember if he actually found them or not." Dianna frowns. "Then the band - or a string quartet?" the taller woman shrugs, "- played the wrong song while Jason walked me down the aisle and… you were dressed like a meringue."

"A meringue?" Lea asks, pressing her body closer to Dianna's as a stronger breeze passes over them.

"Your dress was awful," Dianna says making a face. "It had these huge puffy sleeves and… Lea, honey, please tell me that you're not wearing anything that makes you look like a meringue." Lea remains silent. "Lea?" Dianna starts to kiss the back of the brunette's neck. "You still looked amazing…"

"No-one looks amazing dressed like a meringue," Lea says, a grin forming on her face. "You don't have to worry about the dress."

"Good," Dianna says. "Just the pterodactyl then."

"Yeah… what?" Lea asks, giggling now. "A pterodactyl?"

"It carried you in your meringue dress off into the sunset," Dianna says, laughing against Lea's neck. "The whole thing reminded me of the night I proposed."

"That was definitely one for the scrapbook," Lea says, shivering again as Dianna's fingertips brush the bare skin between her breasts. Dianna's hands drop down and rest on Lea's thighs now, playing with the soft fabric that barely covers the brunette's skin.

"I think you should wear this to the wedding."

"Of course you do," Lea says rolling her eyes. They sit in silence for a few minutes, listening to the ocean. Lea feels her eyelids start to droop as she snuggles into Dianna a little more.

"What are you doing out here?" the blonde asks, remembering that Lea's the reason that she'd come out onto the sand in the first place.

"Jon snores sometimes," Lea says, placing her hands on top of Dianna's to stop them sliding beneath the shorter woman's shorts. "I thought I'd sleep really well tonight given how busy we've been, how stressed out we've been getting everyone here, everything organised…" Lea turns her body towards Dianna now. "I don't sleep well when you're not with me." Dianna smiles at the admission, knowing the feeling intimately.

"Me neither," she says, wrapping her arms around the brunette again. "And I guess it doesn't make much sense for _both_ of us to be awake when we could be sleeping. Together."

"And the whole tradition thing?"

"Tradition sucks," Dianna says, mimicking Lea's earlier statement. The brunette grins up at her fiancée and jumps to her feet, pulling Dianna with her. Hands linked together, they walk quickly back to the hotel and fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms minutes later.

**xxxxx**

Dianna is already awake when her first alarm starts to ring. She's already been to the kitchen to make sure that it's completely parrot-free and that the cake is in a secure location. She's opened the bottle of champagne, ready for when her mom and Jess make their appearance.

Since she's not allowed near Lea's room, under Jon's orders, she gets him to send her a photo of the rings.

_Bit excessive, sweetheart. He knows that I'd kill him if he lost the rings_, Lea's message reads moments after Jon's arrives.

She's about to call the guitarist of the band, a close friend of Lea's, to confirm the songs they're playing during the ceremony when a knock on the door distracts her. Jess is waiting on the other side, grinning back at her best friend.

"Morning," she says, sweeping into the room; her dress is clutched in one hand, a bottle of red wine in the other.

"The wine needs to go," Dianna says, shaking her head.

"But it's your favourite," Jess says, frowning at the label. "Just one glass…" Jess reaches for the corkscrew on the dressing table next to the champagne.

"No!" Dianna grabs the bottle from Jess's hands and stuffs it in the cupboard next to her bed. "No red wine." Jess quirks an eyebrow at her best friend and mumbles something that sounds like 'bridezilla' under her breath. "I told you what happened on the night I proposed. No red wine."

"Right," Jess says, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Nervous then?"

"Terrified," Dianna admits. Jess puts an arm around her soon-to-be-married best friend and leans against her shoulder. "But in the best way possible. Does that make sense?"

"Absolutely," Jess says. "But you have nothing to worry about. That's why I'm here."

Dianna gives her a wan smile as the image of a puffy-shouldered Lea being carried off into the distance, clutched in the talons of an extinct flying reptile, flits into her mind again.

**xxxxx**

The buzz amongst the guests, eighty of the brides' closest friends and family, dies down when the band starts to play. Dianna, on the arm of her brother, is making her way down the aisle, dress flowing in the light afternoon wind. Jon and Jess are waiting for her beside the chuppah on either side of the Rabbi. Behind them, the ocean stretches off into infinity, tiny boats bob on the horizon.

When they reach the end of the aisle, Jason places a kiss to his sister's cheek and goes to join their mom, who's already spent the better half of the morning in tears. Dianna smiles as her mom opens a new packet of tissues and glances around at their other guests. Friends from movies, from Broadway, from the television show that had brought them together. Chris and Amber wave simultaneously when she meets their eyes and she grins back, clutching her bouquet of white roses tighter in her hands as she feels a lump start to rise in her throat.

She glances over at Jon when the music changes and he holds up the two rings with a grin.

"Thanks," she whispers and he nods before turning his attention to his best friend. Dianna takes a deep breath and does the same, all thoughts of meringue leaving her mind. Her mouth almost drops open when Lea looks away from her dad and meets the hazel eyes waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Lea's dress is similar to her own - white, long and flowing - but unlike Dianna's, Lea's shoulders are unblemished by straps. Her hair cascades down her back, spiralled into loose waves.

Lea's mom kisses them both on the cheek, clutching her own packet of tissues in her hand, before Lea's dad steps forward to do the same, smiling widely at his future daughter-in-law. He clasps the Rabbi's hand in his own before leading Edith to their chairs. He takes a shaky breath before taking his wife's hand in his own and reaches up to wipe away the tears streaking down Edith's face.

"Better than meringue, right?" Lea whispers, leaning in close to Dianna who merely nods in response. "You look beautiful, baby."

"You too," Dianna says, grinning over at her soon-to-be wife.

**xxxxx**

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs and Mrs Agron-Michele," the band's singer announces. Around the marquee framed in white gossamer curtains, the guests clap and cheer as Lea takes Dianna's hand and leads her to the middle of the dance floor. The sun is beginning to set over the ocean, the sky awash with pinks and oranges.

The band start to play, Elton's John _The Way You Look Tonight_, and Dianna slides her arms around Lea.

"Hey," she whispers. They're far enough away from their guests that no-one can hear them talk.

"Hi," Lea returns, staring up at her wife with wide, shining eyes.

"We made it," Dianna replies. "No parrots… no meringue…"

"I saw you looking for that pterodactyl though," Lea says. The blonde woman laughs, not denying that she'd found herself glancing warily at the skies a few times during the ceremony.

"I'd have fought it for you," she says with a smile. "I'll always fight for you."

They're joined on the floor by Lea's parents and Dianna's family. Lea lets out a contented sigh as she leans her head against her wife's shoulder.

"Lea?" Dianna's voice is questioning as she glances down at the beautiful woman in her arms.

"Mmm?" Lea mumbles back, pressing her lips to Dianna's skin.

"I love you," Dianna says softly.

"I love you too. Forever."


	3. Say Arrr Matey!

**TITLE:** Say Arrrr, Matey  
**RATING:** This is the chapter that earns the fic its M rating.  
**SUMMARY:** We all know what comes after a wedding, right?  
**NOTES:** The third and final part of this series. It's been good revisiting this fic. We all need a bit of ridiculousness once in a while. Thanks for the reviews/favourites.

**xxxxx**

"Passport?" Dianna asks as they finish packing their bags.

"Check," Lea says, holding up the item in question. "Though given that I needed it to travel here, it's a little silly asking me about it now."

"True," Dianna concedes. checking her bag for her own passport.

"You need to stop stressing about everything, Di," Lea says, trying in vain to lift her suitcase off the bed. She tries again, pulling with all of her might. The case stubbornly moves an inch towards the end of the bed. "Could you maybe help me?" Lea asks. "I don't understand how bikinis and shorts can weigh so much." Wiping her forehead, she turns to look at her wife. Dianna is tipping the contents of her bag onto the bed, frantically searching through everything, a look of mild panic on her face. "Di?" Lea asks incredulously.

"Yes, babe?" Dianna asks, sifting through travel documents and money and make-up.

"What's wrong?" Lea sits down on the edge of the bed with a look of amusement on her face.

"Nothing," Dianna says, growing more anxious by the second. "Just misplaced my passport."

"What?" Lea asks with a grin. "You've lost your passport?"

"You don't have to sound so happy about it," Dianna replies, huffing in frustration.

"Sorry," Lea says, smirking as she notices the missing passport sitting on the dressing table. "Are you sure you put it in your bag, sweetie?"

"Yes," Dianna says irritably. "I put it with the money…" She groans, rechecking her empty bag before whirling around to face a giggling Lea.

"Are you _really_ sure?" Lea asks, leaning back on the bed, pretending to inspect her nails before focusing her attention across the room.

"_Yes_…" Dianna drawls before following Lea's eye line. "No?" She starts to blush, stomping over to the table and snatching the passport before throwing it sullenly into her bag along with everything else that she's tipped out. "Sorry," she says meekly.

"It's okay," Lea says, not shifting from her position on the bed. Instead she bites down on her lip and beckons the blonde woman to her with a single finger. Wordlessly, Dianna climbs onto the bed, crawling up the shorter woman's body until their faces meet.

"Hello," Dianna says with a wolfish grin.

"Hi," Lea responds, sliding her arms around the taller woman's waist, fingertips following the ridge of her wife's spine. "We're going soon."

"Don't care," Dianna whispers, pressing her lips against the brunette's, feeling Lea's teeth graze against her bottom one, tugging lightly. The blonde moans softly into her wife's parted lips. It quickly turns into a groan of frustration when the door to their room flies open.

"Seriously guys, my eyes!" Jon shouts, covering his face and backing out of the room.

"I'm going to kill him," Dianna whispers in Lea's ear, kissing her again.

"I'll tell them it was justifiable homicide," Lea giggles as she pushes Dianna off of her. "We have to go anyway."

"Fine," Dianna huffs, jumping off the bed to wrap her arms around Lea's waist again. "Hang on, you have a little…" she winks at the brunette who rolls her eyes in return as Dianna kisses her once more.

"Is it safe?" Jon's disembodied voice calls from the hallway.

"Not even remotely," Dianna grumbles, yanking Lea's case off the bed.

"Yes," Lea calls, shooting a look at Dianna. "You could have knocked, you know?" Jon grins as he walks into the room, keeping a sensible distance from Dianna.

"I thought you two would be packing, not engaging in…" he gestures between the two women who are standing in almost identical poses, arms folded across their chests and grins. "Your taxi is outside."

"Great!" Lea says enthusiastically, reaching for the handle of her suitcase and dragging it towards the door. Jon rolls his eyes in exasperation.

"Did you pack the kitchen sink again, Lea?" he jokes, taking the suitcase from his best friend and grabbing Dianna's bag as well. Dianna grabs Lea to kiss her again as they leave the room, leaving the brunette slightly breathless and dizzy.

"That isn't fair, Di," she admonishes as they leave the hotel room; Dianna reaching for Lea's hand as they walk towards the stairs. Downstairs, their families and friends who aren't suffering from the after-effects of a damn good party are waiting to send them off. After yet another tearful hug from both of their moms, the newlyweds make it into the taxi and shoot off to the airport.

"You look worried, Mrs Agron-Michele," Lea says softly, sliding her hand into the taller woman's and squeezing it. "Are you still convinced that something is trying to ruin the best days of your life? Nothing actually happened at the wedding…"

"Well, apart from your dad…"

"Di," Lea's voice has an edge to it. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I never realised that you got your moves from him," Dianna says, shaking with mirth as she recalls her father-in-law's interesting dance floor antics.

"Funny," Lea pouts, turning her attention to the nearest window, watching the seemingly never-ending miles of white sand. "We could have just honeymooned here."

"I don't want eighty of our closest friends and family around on _our_ honeymoon," Dianna says. "I want you all to myself. Even if it's just for four days before we go back to New York."

"Are you annoyed about going back early? I don't have to do this concert…" Lea begins, looking apologetic.

"Babe, it's fine," Dianna interrupts, pulling the brunette across the seats towards her. "This concert means a lot and I have to meet with some producers to start editing the movie. We're going away again in a month anyway."

"Okay," Lea says, placated. When she and Jon had been asked to take part in a charity concert by a friend of theirs, Lea jumped at the chance to help out before realising that the concert would be taking place six days after her wedding to Dianna.

"Four days. No interruptions, no best friends who appear to be intent on ruining every attempt I make to…" Dianna's eyes slide to the driver who appears to hanging on their every word. She raises an eyebrow at him and his eyes flicker back to the road, an embarrassed flush settling on his cheeks.

"I can't wait to have you all to myself."

"The feeling is entirely mutual," Lea says, leaning her head against the taller woman's shoulder and sighing contentedly.

**xxxxx**

Dianna drums her fingers against the counter, watching Lea read over brochures for cruises around the island. The man behind the counter is looking increasingly nervous.

"Is there a problem?" Dianna asks, turning her attention back to the edgy, young man.

"No problem," he says with a tight smile. "I just need to find my manager…"

"Manager?" Dianna inquires, arching her eyebrow, drawing Lea's attention away from the brochure. She skips back to the desk and slides her arm around her wife's waist.

"What's going on?" she asks, squeezing Dianna quickly, feeling agitation rolling from the blonde in waves. Dianna's frown dissipates quickly when she turns to look at Lea.

"Nothing," Dianna replies, her smile far too bright.

"Is there a problem with the suite?" Lea asks, turning to look at the man behind the counter who has just finished speaking to his manager on the phone. "We booked it a couple of months ago… some sort of honeymoon package?"

"My manager will be here in just a second," the man says, biting down on his bottom lip. "I can't seem to find the booking in the system."

"Oh," Lea says, her smile fading sharply.

"I'm sure there isn't a problem," he says. "We'll be able to find you another suite…"

"But we don't want _another_ suite," Dianna says, ignoring Lea's efforts to placate her. "We specifically asked for the honeymoon suite…" A sharply dressed man appears behind the counter with a huge grin and introduces himself as Hugo.

"Mrs and Mrs Agron-Michele," he says warmly. "I'm sorry for any confusion. We have taken the liberty of upgrading your accommodation here."

"Upgrade?" Lea asks, smile reappearing instantaneously. "There's a bigger suite?"

"Actually, we have placed you in one of our exclusive cabins."

"A cabin?" Dianna asks sceptically.

"They are located right on the beach front," he says, opening a cupboard to his right and retrieving two sets of keys. "I will take you there myself."

He instructs the younger man to load the luggage into a car waiting outside and ushers the newlyweds back into the humid afternoon air.

"The cabins are air-conditioned," he notes, noticing the shorter woman trying to smooth down her hair as she climbs into the car. "We have only five cabins and they are booked most of the year. We had a last-minute cancellation and thought you'd enjoy a little more privacy than the hotel offers."

"It's very much appreciated," Lea says, bouncing slightly in her seat as Hugo starts the car and swings down a winding road at the back of the hotel. "Isn't this beautiful, Di?" she asks, gazing out at the view over the ocean as they make their way down to the cabins hidden by palm trees at the bottom of the hill.

"It is," the blonde woman whispers, feeling the tension seep from her muscles as she takes in the view before her. The ocean stretches off into infinity, glistening in the early afternoon sun, bordered by a deserted white beach.

"You can call any time if you need transportation to or from the cabin," Hugo says. "Or you can use the buggy provided."

"Buggy?" Lea asks, sitting up a little straighter, a glint in her eye. "Like a golf buggy?"

"Yes," Hugo says, all smiles. "Room service is twenty-four hours and the beach is for guest use only. If you need anything at all, do not hesitate to call."

He pulls up in front of a glass-fronted cabin and hops out of the car to start pulling out the luggage.

"Careful, it's heavy…" Lea trails off as Hugo pulls her case out of the trunk effortlessly. "I need to start working out more." Dianna smirks and watches as Hugo goes to unlock the cabin, towing their cases behind him.

"Want me to carry you over the threshold?" the taller woman asks, taking Lea's hand as they walk up the path, stepping into the light, airy cabin. Hugo rejoins them and gives them a brief tour. Dianna listens politely as Lea runs from room to room, squealing when she sees the bedroom.

"Di, it's a four-poster bed," Lea says, diving onto the white linen with a squeak of joy. "And the deck goes out over the water." She scrambles towards the doors that lead outside and pushes them open, disappearing outside.

Dianna gives Hugo a smile.

"Thank you," she says, reaching into her pocket to pull out some money.

"My pleasure," he says. "Enjoy your stay." Dianna watches him leave and goes to lock the door, not that she anticipates any interruptions. Jon is a few hundred miles away after all.

"Babe…" Dianna calls as she steps outside, squinting against the glare of the sun reflecting off the calm waves. She hears Lea cough and turns to her right, a chuckle leaving her throat.

"Hey," Lea says, removing the last of her clothing, not that she'd been wearing much to start off with.

"Hey yourself," Dianna replies, following suit, her clothes leaving a trail behind her as she walks towards her wife.

"Happy honeymoon," the brunette says, locking her arms around the taller woman's waist, smiling up at her with dark eyes and a smirk that Dianna can't resist.

**xxxxx**

"Jet-skiing?"

"It'll be fun!" Lea says enthusiastically.

"You know what else is fun?" Dianna asks, trailing her fingers across the shorter woman's tanned shoulders.

"We can't jet-ski in New York," Lea pouts. "It's practically winter. Just a couple of hours then you can continue ravishing me."

"Ravishing you?" Dianna asks with a grin. "Is that a promise?"

"Absolutely," Lea says, dropping her voice and reaching up to kiss the blonde on the lips. Dianna pulls the shorter woman closer to her, feeling a gasp rush out of Lea's mouth followed by a moan and the blonde starts to nibble the singer's bottom lip. "Di…" Lea mumbles between kisses. "Come on…"

"Have you ever jet-skied before?" Dianna asks, reluctantly letting Lea out of her grasp.

"Twice," Lea says. "You'll love it."

"I do love it," Dianna says pointedly/ "I just love that bed more." Lea blushes and smacks her wife gently on the arm.

"If I'd known that getting married would made you this insatiable, we'd have done this years ago," Lea notes. "I'll make it up to you later."

"Hmm," Dianna mumbles noncommittally and follows Lea out of the cabin down the beach towards their instructor.

Within fifteen minutes, Lea has disappeared, embarking on a one-woman journey towards the Atlantic Ocean. Dianna tears after her, enjoying the feel of the wind in her hair, a nice change from the humidity. Up ahead of her, Lea banks and heads back in the blonde's direction.

"Hey!" the brunette yells, drawing up beside Dianna. "Isn't this awesome?"

"Yeah," Dianna admits. "What's next, parasailing?" Lea grins and Dianna laughs.

"Race you back?" Lea challenges, revving her engine.

"Sure," Dianna says, spinning around and heading off in the direction of their cabin. She can hear the roar of Lea's engine behind her and grins, increasing her speed. Lea zooms past her, throwing up a wall of water that completely drenches the blonde woman from head to toe. Momentarily blinded by the salty water, Dianna veers off-course and manages to hit virtually the only big wave they've seen all day.

A moment of complete weightlessness follows before she plunges through the surface of the water backwards.

**xxxxx**

"Dianna!" Lea's voice is hazy above her. "Di, baby… can you hear me?"

"Hoist the colours!" Dianna murmurs, coughing as more seawater rushes from her body. She turns onto her side, slightly confused that she's on dry land, and heaves as the last of the water empties out of her stomach.

"Dianna?" Lea sounds a lot less panicked now, just concerned.

"Weigh anchor and set sail!" Dianna mutters before her eyes fly open and she stares up at her confused wife and Matt, the jet ski instructor. She frowns. "Where's my ship?"

"Ship?" Lea asks, quirking an eyebrow and glancing at Matt. "Di, you fell off the jet ski… are you okay?"

"But… we were winning," Dianna says feebly, glancing around with a confused expression on her face. "They were going to walk the plank."

"I think she's concussed," Matt stares at the blonde in amusement. "We should probably get her to a hospital." Lea replies with a nod.

"Sweetheart," Lea places a hand on Dianna's cheek, causing the blonde woman to whip around, pushing the shorter woman's hand away.

"Sweetheart?" Dianna tilts her head to one side, sounding disgusted. "I'm Captain Agron!"

"Oh… god," Lea groans, closing her eyes momentarily. "Okay, _Captain Agron_…" she smiles down at her wife as though she's addressing a small child. "We'll get your ship back as soon as we find the buried treasure."

"Treasure!" Dianna pushes herself off the ground with surprising agility, swaying slightly before Matt and Lea prop her up. "What about the rum?"

"Oh, I think after this, we're all going to need some rum," Lea grumbles as they guide Dianna back towards the cabin. Matt chuckles to himself but stops almost immediately when he notices the look on the shorter woman's face.

Fifteen minutes later, a flustered Lea drags a reluctantly-clothed Dianna out of the cabin where Matt is waiting in the buggy.

"How's she doing?" Matt asks, starting off towards the hotel, glancing at the blonde woman who has her arms folded and is staring sullenly back towards the sea.

"She's upset about her clothes," Lea says, rolling her eyes. "They're not 'pirate-y' enough. I promised we'd get her something new to wear after we've found the buried treasure." Dianna perks up when she hears the word 'treasure' before her face falls into a snarl.

"I bet that scoundrel Groff is after my treasure," she growls under her breath.

"I somehow doubt that," Lea responds, reaching out to touch the purple bruise blossoming on the blonde woman's forehead, causing Dianna to flinch backwards.

"Wench, careful with those hands!" Lea stares at her wife and counts to five before she talks again.

"I swear to god, Dianna Agron, I am never going to let you live this down," Lea says just as the blonde woman's eyes drift shut and she begins to snore.

**xxxxx**

Dianna groans as her eyes start to flutter open.

"Baby?" Lea rises out of the chair she's been curled up in for the past couple of hours. The book on her lap falls to the floor, losing its place. She kicks it to one side, deciding that she'll have to reread most of it anyway. Her attention's been entirely devoted to Dianna since they arrived home from the hospital.

"Ow," Dianna grumbles, raising a hand to her forehead and grimacing. "What happened? Where's the… why am I here?"

"You fell off the jet-ski," Lea says, lying down on the bed and pressing a kiss to Dianna's temple. "We had to take you to the hospital."

"I remember… sort of," Dianna glances over at Lea. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Three hours or so," Lea says, glancing at the clock next to their bed. "I was going to order room service."

"Sounds good," Dianna nods and grimaces. "I'm starving." She slides a hand over to Lea's exposed stomach. "Famished actually."

"Nuh uh," Lea shakes her head, rolling away from her wife and reaching for the room service menu. "The doctor says you shouldn't exert yourself physically until tomorrow at least. And even then, he recommended that you should take it easy. No more jet skis, no hand gliding, no sky-diving."

"Yeah, it hurts a lot," Dianna winces as she touches her forehead again.

"Well, stop touching the bruise then," Lea admonishes, rejoining Dianna to kiss her. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Besides you?"

"Besides me," Lea rolls her eyes. "Here. I told the front desk I'd call when you were awake. They're very anxious, especially because of the… how do I put this?" Lea taps her lips thoughtfully. "The _interesting_ way you were acting before we took you to the hospital."

"Interesting way?" Dianna asks blankly. "What did I do?"

"I'll tell you over dinner," Lea says, disappearing from the bedroom. "We should maybe order some rum though." She sticks her head back into the room to wink at her bewildered other half.

"You don't even like rum!" Dianna calls back before glancing down at the menu, a frown still etched on her face. As she reads over the list of dishes, she tries to remember what happened after she hit her head. She remembers lying on the sand after it happened, vaguely remembers the ride to the hospital… and the dream. "Oh shit. Lea!" Dianna calls, starting to climb off the bed.

"Yes?" Lea asks, as she skips back into the room, reaching the bed in time to catch Dianna as she starts to sway. "I told you to stay in bed."

"How much trouble am I in?" Dianna asks, reaching up to stroke the shorter woman's face.

"Huh?" Lea asks, confusion settling across her features.

"Captain Agron," Dianna mutters, blushing furiously when Lea grins. "It wasn't a dream?"

"Nope," Lea replies. "Unfortunately not."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Dianna says, scrunching her eyes shut as more of her antics assault her memory. "I called you a wench… and Groff… I mean, Jon, a scoundrel?"

"Yup," Lea nods, smirking. "You thought he was after your buried treasure."

"I did," Dianna says, not opening her eyes and groaning. "Anything else I should know?"

"Not right now," Lea says, dropping a kiss to her wife's wrinkled forehead. Dianna relaxes and snakes her arms around the shorter woman's waist, pulling the tan body flush against her own. Lea's reprimand dies in her mouth as she feels nimble fingers undoing her bikini top, the room service menu temporarily forgotten.

**xxxxx**

"Di, come on, we leave tomorrow," Lea says, opening the doors and walking out onto the deck. Dianna recoils slightly from the influx of light and pulls the sheets over her head. "We should go get some breakfast and see if there's anything going on up at the hotel."

"Don't you want to come back to bed?" Dianna asks, not removing her head from beneath the sheets. She hears Lea's footsteps draw nearer and she pushes the sheet down her body, arching off the bed in a satisfying stretch. "Morning." Her eyes lock with Lea's who is standing in the doorway, transfixed.

"Morning," the brunette responds. "Stop distracting me. You can distract me later."

"That's definitely on my plan for today, yes," Dianna grins then sighs. "You really want to do things today?" Lea nods, watching as Dianna's hand disappears beneath the sheets again, the blonde's eyes flutter closed as she bites her bottom lip. "Sure?"

"Yes," Lea's voice wavers. She clears her throat and stands her ground. "Yes." She's pleased that her voice sounds a little stronger this time.

"Okay," Dianna says simply, pushing the sheets away completely and hopping out of bed. She winks at Lea as she strolls towards the bathroom, leaving her wife to question her sanity.

After a quick breakfast, Lea drags Dianna to the reception to find out what cruises are operating today.

"The following cruises leave in the next hour," Hugo says, laying out brochures on the desk for the pair. "You can swim with dolphins on this one or take a trip to a few of the neighbouring islands…" he gestures to a couple of the leaflets in turn before grinning. "Or perhaps this one is more your style." He passes the final brochure to Dianna who blushes a furious shade of red before she passes it to Lea. Lea's laugh echoes through the reception area causing another couple to glance over in alarm.

"Oh my god, we have to," she says, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. "Please, Di?" Dianna grumbles under her breath and shoots daggers at Hugo who continues smiling unabashedly. "Please?" She turns her gaze to the brunette who's now squeezing her arm like an overexcited child.

"Okay," Dianna gives in and hangs her head. "When does it leave?"

"Half an hour," Hugo says, tapping on his computer. "And there are two places available. You should probably make your way to the dock now. The best costumes go quickly." He passes them their tickets and wishes them a nice day before turning to attend to another couple.

"Let's go!" Lea says, dragging Dianna back out into the sun and humidity. "You don't want to end up with a stupid costume." They make their way to the dock, spotting the boat they'll be taking around the island immediately. "Smile baby!" Lea holds up her camera and snaps a photo of her wife in front of the boat but frowns when she looks at it on the screen. "What's wrong? You look like you're going to murder someone."

Dianna feels a jolt run through her stomach at the look on Lea's face and smiles.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. This'll be fun," she reaches for the camera and pulls Lea in close, snapping a photo of the two of them before pressing a lingering kiss to her wife's lips. "Come on. If we're going to look like pirates, then we have to do it right."

They join a group of others who are rummaging through a large chest of dressing up clothes and manage to snag some of the better looking articles of clothing. Once everyone is dressed up, they walk up the gangplank onto the ship. Lea bounds off to the bow and throws her arms out, turning back to look at a bemused Dianna.

"I'm flying, Di," she says before giggling. Dianna joins her, wrapping her arms around the shorter woman's waist and presses a kiss to her cheek.

"Wrong movie, babe. Pretty sure Kate Winslet wasn't wearing a bandana or an eye patch… or a stuffed parrot on her shoulder."

"She should have been," Lea murmurs, craning her neck as Dianna's lips move lower and she feels teeth graze her skin. "Distracting."

"Sorry," Dianna laughs, not sounding at all apologetic. Lea twists around to face the taller woman, an eyebrow raised.

"Ooh! Rum!" Lea bounces out of Dianna's arms towards the table set up with refreshments.

"It's a little early…" Dianna calls, trailing behind. Lea pours two glasses and takes a long sip from one.

"It's not like I can't handle my alcohol, Di," Lea says with a grin after cringing at the taste. Something inside Dianna is pretty sure that by the end of the day, Lea will be regretting those words but she accepts the drink from the brunette's outstretched hand regardless.

**xxxxx**

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"

Dianna fumbles with the light switch while trying to prop a giggling Lea up against the doorframe. It's taken her nearly ten minutes to get Lea this far from the front door.

"Bed," Lea says as Dianna completes their journey, dragging her wife across the bedroom floor.

"Yes, babe," Dianna mutters, pushing Lea back against the mattress. "Bed. This is where I wanted to spend the whole day, remember?"

"Nope," Lea says, a stupid grin on her face as she tries to pull off her eye patch and succeeds in stabbing herself in the uncovered eye, "Ow, ow…"

Dianna rolls her eyes and helps Lea undress, pulling off the pieces of the pirate costume Lea had been unwilling to part with as they left the boat. Dianna's promised the crew that she'll return them first thing in the morning.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me," Lea starts to sing for the twenty-seventh time since leaving the boat. The blonde tosses the clothes on the floor and starts to pull off her own, ready to collapse into bed and sleep until it's time for them to go to the airport the next day. As she draws the sheets up over her body, Lea's hands reach over to grab her waist. The brunette mumbles some words, eyes half-closed and Dianna cocks her head, staring at her wife, pretty sure she's misheard what Lea just said.

"What was that, babe?" Dianna asks, turning onto her side and brushing the hair out of Lea's face, running her fingertips down the brunette's cheek.

"Shiver me timbers, Captain Agron," Lea growls and Dianna bites her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"I don't think you really understand what that means, Lea."

"You're mocking me," Lea says, pouting now.

"I'm not," Dianna says. "You're drunk. You need to sleep and I need to sleep. Can we please just go to sleep?"

"I don't want to sleep," Lea's hands tighten on Dianna's waist as she moves closer to the blonde, fingers travelling sloppily over the pale skin. With a chuckle, Dianna forces the brunette onto her back and shifts her body over, pinning Lea's hands above her head.

"Sleep," Dianna whispers, pushing her lips against Lea's before working her way down the tan flesh, tongue tickling the brunette's neck, down her collarbone. Lea's protests quieten when Dianna settles between the shorter woman's legs and licks a path up the inside of her thigh. "Lea? Babe?"

A soft snore is the only response Dianna receives and she mouths a silent thank you towards the ceiling, moving back to her side of the bed. Lea snores again, rolling onto her stomach and Dianna smiles, drifting off to sleep.

**xxxxx**

Dianna's eyes fly open, locking with the dark brown ones staring down at her. She opens her mouth to speak but finds herself momentarily speechless.

"Morning," Lea murmurs.

"Hey you."

The shorter woman shifts slightly, hips grinding into Dianna's. The blonde woman feels a moan leave her lips causing Lea to grin.

"Hey yourself," she replies. "Sleep well?" Dianna nods. "Me too."

Lea's hands splay across Dianna's abdomen, fingertips drumming lightly across the pale flesh.

"Sorry about last night," Lea bites her bottom lip and leans down to press a kiss against Dianna's neck.

"Really, it's fine," Dianna says, eyes fluttering closed as she feels Lea's teeth graze over her skin. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Perfect," Lea murmurs against Dianna's neck. "I'm adding twelve hours of sleep to my hangover cure list."

"What else is on that list again, babe?" Dianna arches her neck, allowing Lea more access and groans when she feels fingers brush over her breasts, nipples hardening at the faintest of touches.

"You," Lea says, pulling back to stare at her wife again. "I've been trying really hard not to wake you up for nearly an hour now." Lea's hips grind down again and Dianna moans when she feels how wet the brunette is.

"For the record, I wouldn't have minded if you had woken me."

"Noted," Lea says, a smile on her lips.

Regaining the use of her limbs, Dianna raises her hands to Lea's thighs, stroking up and down the inside with the pads of her thumbs. Lea pushes herself upright, hands returning to Dianna's abdomen.

"Little higher," Lea whispers, hips inching forwards as Dianna's hands roam closer to the apex of her thighs. The blonde shakes her head, smirking and moves her hands away completely. "Please, Di? I'm aching for you." She punctuates the statement by rolling her hips into Dianna's again, whimpering softly.

"God," Dianna whispers, hands returning to Lea's legs, swift strokes finding their mark until long fingers push against the brunette's entrance, barely dipping inside.

"Please."

Unable to refuse Lea when she begs, Dianna eases two of her fingers into the brunette, watching as her head falls forward, mouth opening in a silent moan. Dianna takes her time, slowly sliding her fingers in and out, careful not to go too deep too fast. Her other hand continues stroking Lea's toned thigh, matching the rhythm of her strokes inside the brunette.

"More, babe?" Dianna asks, smiling as Lea nods furiously, teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip "I can't hear you."

"More. Di, please. More," the words tumble from Lea's lips as she rocks her hips forwards, straining to take more of the blonde's fingers inside her.

Dianna relents, thrusting her fingers upward, curling them on every third or fourth stroke as Lea's moans and whimpers spur her on. She stares up at her wife, head thrown back, teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip, throat exposed, back arched, chest heaving. She moves her hand to Lea's stomach, feeling the toned muscles ripple beneath her touch.

"So beautiful," Dianna breathes, drawing Lea's attention back to her. "I love you." Lea nods her agreement, unable to form words as long, slender fingers start to draw circles around her clit. "I can't believe I get to do this for the rest of my life. I get to see you like this, I get to feel you, and I get to feel how much you want this, how much you want me."

"God," Lea groans, falling forward, planting her hands level with Dianna's shoulders. "I need to… I… Dianna, please."

Dianna's fingers quicken, pressing hard against the throbbing bundle of nerves as her other hand works furiously, thrusting three fingers deep inside now.

"Come for me. I want to hear my name on your lips."

Lea's eyes close again as her muscles begin to contract around the fingers curling inside. Her moans start to rise musically, an ascending scale interspersed with the blonde's name growled and drawn out; her hips roll against Dianna's erratically and then shudder as her orgasm rushes over her body.

Breathing heavily, she lowers her body as Dianna slides her fingers out one last time, muscles twitching almost painfully at the loss of contact. Sighing contentedly, she presses a kiss to Dianna's neck.

"I love you too."

**xxxxx**

It's raining torrentially when they arrive in New York and Jon is waiting, holding a small banner. He scoops Lea up in a bear hug and twirls her around before setting her back on her feet and turning to Dianna.

"Jon, no," Dianna protests, holding up her hands. "No!"

Jon ignores her protestations and sweeps her off her feet, spinning her around a couple of times before she finds herself back on solid ground. She punches him lightly on the shoulder and he flinches away in mock-pain.

"I could sue you for that," he says, looking to Lea for sympathy. The brunette shakes her head and grins.

"She's not a twirler," she says, sliding an arm around Dianna's waist and smiling. "Not unless she's doing the twirling anyway."

Jon makes a face and reaches for their suitcases.

"That better not be some sort of code for bedroom… oh god, stop talking…" he chastises himself, closing his eyes as if that will help him erase the mental images assaulting his brain.

"Hmmm, twirling," Dianna muses. "Babe, remember when I twirled you so much that you…"

"No! Stop!" Jon says, running out of the airport towing the cases behind him.

"And those times we twirled in the pool and on the pirate ship…" Lea adds, chasing after her best friend. Dianna follows on behind with a huge grin on her face, not caring that the rain is soaking her to the skin or that she has to dance around huge puddles to get to the car.

And when Lea snuggles into her as they're being driven towards their apartment, Dianna realises that despite a disastrous proposal, her pre-wedding nightmare and getting a concussion whilst on her honeymoon, she's pretty much the luckiest girl in the world.


End file.
